


Glowing Heart

by bitboozy



Series: Domesticated [31]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Baby Hardy Bastard Child of Broadchurch, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, This is a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21513916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitboozy/pseuds/bitboozy
Summary: Alec and Ellie deal with the impending arrival of their baby.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Series: Domesticated [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550554
Comments: 110
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Two things!
> 
> 1.) I've reorganized the fics in this series so they are now all a part of one single series, entitled "Domesticated." 
> 
> 2.) Hi! Wow. I'm still writing these! What the heck! When I wrote my first Alec/Ellie fic at the end of July, it had been ten years since the last time I wrote fic. Ten years! These two seduced me and seduced me hard. I never, ever would have guessed it would turn into a massive series like this or that I'd still be writing, and so regularly. It is truly bananas. It's become an odd sort of comfort (or coping mechanism??) to me, and a lovely reprieve from the stress that attaches itself naturally to my professional writing career. Basically writing fic is a lot more fun than writing plays. Who knew. ANYWAY, this is wild, and I am so grateful for everyone who has been following this series. I'm so lucky to have this lovely, loyal band of followers. I do not deserve you. Thank you for going on this weird little journey with me.
> 
> Onward!

When their alarm goes off at 7am, Ellie whacks her mobile to switch it off, and then neither one of them moves. Alec is splayed out on his back, limbs everywhere, and Ellie is lying on her side facing him. After a few moments of post-alarm silence, she blindly reaches out for him, her hand finally landing on a bicep.

“Mm,” he groans.

“Mm-hmm,” she groans back.

He turns onto his side to face her, eyes still closed, and pulls the covers up around them both. “We should think about retirin'.”

“Mm, that’ll be good,” she murmurs. “I’ll retire just when I get back from maternity leave.”

“Mm-hmm.” He throws an arm around her. “We’ll just sleep and sleep and sleep.”

Ellie nuzzles into him, tucking her head under his chin. “Sleep and shag. And eat. That’s it, that’s all I want.”

He yawns. “Just find an island somewhere. A place where no one knows us.”

“Sleep ‘til noon. Have breakfast. Shag. Take a nap. Shag again. Have dinner…”

“Forgot lunch.”

“We’ll shag through lunch then have a snack,” Ellie reasons.

“Mm, good.” He slides a hand up her t-shirt and rubs her back absently. “No jobs. No kids.”

“Still need _Bake Off_ though,” she says.

“Fine, _Bake Off_. And _Prime Suspect._ ”

“Right,” she agrees. “Helen Mirren goes where we go.”

“Here here.”

She grabs a fistful of his shirt and tries to pull him closer. “A place where alarms don’t exist.” She shivers. “Hold me.”

“I _am_ ,” he insists. “Can’t get you any closer with the interloper in the way.”

“No interloper on our own private island,” Ellie says, kissing his chest. “On the island, I am both svelte and voluptuous at the same time. I have the perfect body. And better hair.”

“I love your hair,” he says, kissing it.

She kisses his pacemaker scar. “Your heart works perfectly there and I never have to worry.”

He squeezes her tighter. “Don’t have to worry _now_.”

“Mm, but I do.”

Alec brings his hand up and strokes her hair. “Think we’d eventually kill each other? On the island that is.”

“Yes, but not for years and years,” she replies. “If all we do is sleep and shag I imagine we’ll be quite relaxed much of the time. Lot less to fight about.”

From down the hallway and through their closed bedroom door, they hear the old familiar _Mumma Alec Mumma Alec Mumma Alec Mumma Alec_ …

The door opens and Fred appears, in his pyjamas. “Mumma, Alec."

Ellie and Alec reluctantly open their eyes and prop themselves up and look over at him.

“Morning, my sweet,” Ellie says, sleepily.

His little face is stricken. “Rhino is missing!”

They both blink at him.

“You had him when you went to bed, lad,” Alec says.

“But now he’s GONE.”

Ellie sighs. “Did you look _under_ the bed?”

“No.”

“Look under the bed.”

Fred scurries away. Ellie and Alec collapse back on their pillows.

“Absolutely no children on the island.”

*

By 10am that morning, they have closed a case they’ve been working on for a week. Ellie is enormously relieved, having overcome the challenges of pregnancy brain. The whole team has popped over to the café to celebrate, as it is too early in the day for champagne. Apparently.

Alec stays in his office, as he is wont to do, and gets a jump on the paperwork. Fred’s little nursery music class has a recital at 4pm and he is determined to make it this time. He’s had to listen to Fred practice “Catch a Falling Star” every day for the last two weeks, may as well see the finished product.

Around 11, most of CID has returned. Ellie shows up in Alec’s doorway with her coffee and one for him.

“Half-caff,” she says, placing it on his desk.

“Thanks very much,” he replies, focused on the paperwork.

“Can I help?” She takes a sip of her coffee.

He glances up at her, to find her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide and alert.

“You’re not drinking decaf,” he observes.

“A little reward for the triumphant detective,” Ellie replies proudly. "AKA me."

He raises an eyebrow. “Should you be doin’ that?”

“God’s sake I’ve not had caffeine in months, it’s _fine_.”

Alec frowns at her, then turns back to his paperwork.

She makes an exaggerated face at him. “ _Grumpy_.” Then stalks out of his office.

*

An hour later, she’s at her desk, scrolling through the _Broadchurch Echo_ archival online, when his abrasive tones come wafting out of his office.

“ _MILLER_!”

She looks up, surprised. It’s been ages since he’s done that. She exchanges glances with a few equally surprised detectives around her, then gets up and goes to his office.

“You rang. _Sir_.”

“Close the door.”

She steps further in and closes the door behind her. “What is it then?” She asks, placing her hands on her hips. “DI Shitface.”

“D’you want to do classes? I think we should do classes?”

Alec gets up from behind his desk, clearly a little antsy.

“Just ‘cause it’s been awhile.”

“Not for _me_ ,” she scoffs.

“Yes, good for you, you’ve had a baby more recently than me, congratulations.” If his office were any larger, he’d be pacing right now.

“God, even the half-caff was too much for you,” Ellie sighs, sitting on the arm of his couch.

“Things’ve _changed_ , is all I’m sayin’, in the seventeen years since Daisy was born and – “

“Then _you_ go to classes.”

He grimaces at her. “Can’t rightly go without you.”

Ellie eyes him suspiciously. “I thought you were in here doing paperwork all this time. What have you _actually_ been doing?”

“…Watching delivery videos on Youtube.”

“No!” Ellie gasps. “Alec!”

“Researchin’ delivery options, lookin’ at the…timelines, when you can get drugs, when you can’t, which ones, what each stage of dilation means, breathin’ exercises…”

“Stop stop stop.” She goes to him and places her palms on his chest. “Could use a breathing exercise _now_.”

“I want to be prepared for every eventuality.”

“Well, you can’t, love, that’s not how it works,” Ellie tells him. “And anyway that’s what the doctors and nurses are there for, and the birthing support specialists, and so on. You don’t _need_ to know everything.”

“But you almost needed a caesarean with Fred,” Alec says anxiously.

“Yes, but I didn’t. And if I _had_ , gobs of research on caesareans wouldn’t have made it any easier,” she replies.

Alec turns away from her and leans forward against his desk.

“…Going to go make you some herbal tea,” Ellie says.

He makes an entirely nondescript noise. “’m a forty-eight-year-old man, Ellie. What the hell do I think I’m doin’?”

Ellie raises both eyebrows. “Beg pardon?”

“Not goin’ to be like before, is it? My ignorance was probably _endearin’_ then, the clueless young father just doin’ his best…”

She snorts. “Very much doubt it was endearing to Tess.”

“Sittin’ in the waitin’ room with flowers and cigars.”

“Oh my god, you did _not_ sit in the waiting room,” Ellie says, flummoxed. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“…’Bout half the time, yeah,” Alec admits. “Tess had her mother in with her.”

“Christ on the cross.” She turns away and shakes her head in disbelief. “Bloody hell, ‘least Joe didn’t miss a second, either time.”

He turns to her. “You really want to compare me to Joe right now?”

“Don’t really want to compare anyone to anyone but here we are, you telling me you sat in the bloody _waiting_ room when Daisy was born,” Ellie exclaims. “Maybe you _should_ take a sodding class.”

“Take one with me,” he pleads.

“I already _know_ how to have a baby,” she replies. “And even if I didn’t I guarantee you it would still go on and happen somehow.”

Alec begins pacing again. “We should make a list. Of everything we still need to buy, need to do, need to decide.”

Ellie sighs and sits back down on the arm of the couch again.

“And _names_ , we still haven’t narrowed down the names.”

“We’ve got eight weeks to go yet,” Ellie reminds him.

“Ellie, are we daft?”

Ellie stares back at him, dumbfounded. “What.”

“Havin’ a baby at our age.”

She shrugs dismissively. “You’ve got a good four plus years on me, so – “

“I’m serious.”

She purses her lips, cheeks glowing red with anger. “Don’t you do this.”

“I’ll be _sixty_ when she turns _twelve_!”

Ellie begins to seethe. “Alec Hardy, I am nearly _eight months pregnant_ , don’t you do this, don’t you _dare_.”

“It was all fun and games when it was just…imaginin’ it. How the baby would look like you, with a little bit of me. Thinkin’ about what we made, marvelin’ over the things your body can do, but _now_ …” He trails off. “Now it’s…there’s goin’ to be a _baby_ , El, a real live baby in our house, screamin’ every time I try to touch you.”

“I am going to _murder you_ and sell _all your organs_ on the _black market_ ,” Ellie snarls. “Not that most of them are worth much.”

“I thought we were prepared on account of we already have three kids between us, but it’s not the same, is it? Not the same as it was then,” Alec continues.

“ _You_ wanted this!” Ellie exclaims. “You were desperate to have a baby. You _cried_. _Oh, Ellie, let’s have a baby, let’s get married, let’s buy a house_. And that was what, a little daydream you once had? A little domestic wet dream?” She’s shaking now. “Now all of a sudden we’re too bloody old and too tired and too busy and too…what, _daft_? _Let’s have a baby, but not really_! Put my body through the _ringer_ for nine months, stretch me, ruin me, and now it’s all just too much for you?”

Alec leans back against his desk, sitting on the edge, head in hands. “No, I – no. It’s just. I’m just…” He sighs. “It’s hittin’ me at all once.”

“Poor bloody _you_ ,” Ellie growls. “You’ve suddenly woken up and realized you’ve chosen to do something _difficult_ , oh no. Good thing _you_ don’t have to push an eight pound living breathing entity out of your bloody cunt or else where would we be!”

She gets up and heads for the door.

He goes to her. “Ellie – “

“Don’t touch me.” She’s out the door. “And _don’t_ follow me.”

*

Ellie stews for the rest of the afternoon. She bothers other people at their desks, visits other floors of the police station. Anything to avoid her stupid fiancé.

Alec texts her a few times, but mostly leaves her alone. He knows her well enough to know that if she _says_ “don’t follow me,” she truly means _don’t follow me_. They get a shout to go investigate a break-in at the caravan park, and he takes Harford after Ellie doesn’t respond to the text within five minutes.

The last stop on her aimless tour of the station is the forensics lab. Dirty Brian and Hal are bent over some machine Ellie doesn’t know the name of. She sits on a stool and chatters to them about _Coronation Street_ while they more or less ignore her.

“El,” Brian says finally, with a sigh. “D’you need something?”

“No.” She shrugs casually. “My fiancé doesn’t want a baby but no bother really.”

Brian and Hal both turn around fully to regard her with great suspicion.

“Come again?” Hal asks.

“Quite funny, isn’t it?” Ellie replies. “I’m nearly eight months pregnant. You might have noticed.”

Brian goes to her, pulling off his plastic gloves. “Swear to god, if Shitface hurts you, I’ll kill him and dump his body in the sea.”

Hal, a bit more rational, leans back against a table thoughtfully. “What did he actually _say_?”

Ellie winces and squirms uncomfortably.

“Kicking?” Brian assumes.

“Cramp.” She readjusts herself. “Better.”

Hal runs to grab her an actual chair in place of the stool and helps her into it.

“Ta,” she thanks him. “Anyway he said basically said _who are we to be having a baby at our age_ and _are we daft_ and _what were we thinking_ …”

“Well, he was clearly thinking he’d like to shag you without birth control,” Brian quips, with a snarl.

Ellie cringes. “That part was a bit on me, but that’s not the point.” She winces again. “Ow, bollocks.”

Hal is still thinking this through very rationally. “Isn’t it normal to go a bit batty before you have a baby?”

“Not questioning the whole bloody thing!” Ellie exclaims. “And not when you’ve already _got_ three sodding children.” She shifts again. “ _Ow_.”

“…That normal?” Brian asks.

“It’s not… _not normal_ ,” Ellie replies, a little uneasily. “Maybe my fault for caffeinating myself earlier.”

"Reckon you ought not to worry,” Hal says. “Just probably cold feet on his part, or what have you.”

“Anyway nothing to be done about it _now_ ,” Brian adds, gesturing at her. “Bit far gone.”

“Well, exactly,” she says. “What on earth’s the point of fretting about having a baby when you’re already having a baby? It’s a done deal, isn’t it, just get on with it. Knob end.” She stands. “I’ll get out of your hair. I must have _some_ work to do somewhere.”

“Come distract us anytime,” Hal says congenially.

“Careful what you wish for.” Brian nudges him.

Heading out of the room, Ellie calls back, “I heard that.” Then she leans against the wall suddenly, bent forward. “No no no no no.”

Hal and Brian both turn back to her and upon seeing her bent over, immediately go to her side.

“What is it, El?”

“My water’s just broke.”

The two men look at each other, eyes wide and terrified.

“Uh uh uh…” Hal stands where he is, frozen.

“Okay well we’ll uh, we’ll just. Um.” Brian turns every which way frantically but otherwise does not go anywhere.

“Maybe it’s a false alarm!” Hal cries out hopefully.

“My _bloody water’s broke_ ,” Ellie growls back.

“Right right right, no going back in, I s’pose,” Hal agrees with some consternation.

“Blithering _idiot_ , you are,” Brian chides him.

“It’s too early.” It’s close to a whisper and they barely hear her.

Hal runs to the phone. “I’ll just call 999.”

“We _are_ 999!” Brian exclaims.

“It’s too early,” Ellie says again, staring down at the water on the floor.

“What?” Brian asks, then turns right to Hal again. “You go find Hardy. I’ll see if I can grab a paramedic from upstairs, might just be easier.”

“You _both_ can’t go!” Ellie cries.

“Right,” Hal says.

“I’ll stay, go find a paramedic then go find Hardy,” Brian directs him.

Hal runs off.

Brian brings a hand to her back. “El, you all right? Can you walk? If we can get you upstairs this will go a lot quicker.”

Ellie nods, then begins to cry. Brian is even more stricken than before.

“What? Do you need to sit down?”

She lets out a harrowing but quiet wail, though it doesn’t stop the tears.

“ _El_.”

“Barely thirty-two weeks,” Ellie says softly, then looks directly at Brian, petrified. “It’s too early.”

**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note: There have been multiple pre-term babies born in my family, but that, combined with a fair amount of research, is my experience with premature babies and pre-term birth. So while I hope it is fairly well-informed, it is in no way going to be 100% accurate. Also this is fiction. Anyway, suspension of disbelief where applicable. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always!

Alec and Harford are interviewing the residents of the caravan park looking for witnesses to the break-in. Harford’s coat has been vibrating almost nonstop for the last ten minutes, so she apologizes to Hardy and the current interviewee and steps aside to answer her mobile.

Alec throws a few glances Harford’s way while doing his best to stay focused on the seventy-something woman before him. He can’t quite hear what Harford’s saying, but the shift in her tone has become clear and his ears are perked up. The call ends and the stricken look on her face causes Alec to excuse himself from his current conversation. He meets Harford a few yards away.

“Somethin’ happened?”

“That was Nish, they’ve been calling us both for fifteen minutes or so,” Katie tells him. “Ellie’s in labor, sir.”

Alec just stares at her. “She’s got eight weeks to go yet.”

“I, uh…” She shifts around helplessly. “Brian went with her in the ambulance. Apparently her water broke when she was down in the lab.”

“Christ.” He feels around his pockets for his mobile. “Must’ve left it in the car. I, um – “

“Go on. I’ll finish up here,” Katie says. “Take the car, I’ll have someone come pick me up.”

He hesitates a moment, overwhelmed, then nods and runs off to the car. In the driver’s seat, he checks his mobile and finds thirty-four missed calls there. From Hal, Nish, Brian, Jenkinson even. He starts up the car and calls Brian, knowing he’s with her.

“Hardy.”

“Yeah, is she with you?” Alec questions briskly.

“Just wheeled her away, I’m in the A&E lobby,” Brian replies, sounding a bit breathless.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he says. “How is she?”

“…Bit shaken, sir, to be honest,” Brian says. “But she’s all right.”

“Tell her I’m on my way.”

“Will do, sir, if I can get back to her.”

“Thanks.”

He hangs up, and blows past the speed limit.

*

Brian is still sitting in the lobby when Alec arrives. He immediately stands and goes to him, guiding him to the reception desk.

“He needs to get to Ellie Miller’s room,” Brian tells the receptionist.

“Alec Hardy.”

“Are you a relation?” She asks.

“I’m her fiancé.” The receptionist blinks at him. “I’m the father of her baby, for god’s sake.”

A bit reluctantly, she replies, “Room 108. Down the hall to your left.”

Alec quickly pats Brian’s shoulder as he runs off. “Thanks, Brian,” he calls behind him.

In room 108, he finds her all alone. He could _kick_ himself for not being there when it happened, for not being here from the start, for letting her be alone for even a second. She looks up when she senses someone in the doorway, her eyes red and glassy.

He flies to her, and the first words out of his mouth are, “I love you.”

She holds out her arms to him in desperation, like a child, as if it will help him get to her even faster. “I love you.”

He grabs onto her face, fingers at the back of her skull and kisses her. “’m so sorry.”

“My water broke in the lab.”

“I heard.” He touches his forehead to hers. “I love you so much.” He keeps one hand at her cheek and moves the other down to her stomach. “You all right? Are you in pain?”

“Only every seven minutes,” she replies. “Dunno what happened. It was – I was in the lab, I had a few cramps here and there but nothing alarming, and then suddenly my water broke, right there by the door.” Her voice breaks and her eyes start to well up again as she tells it. “Hal found a paramedic upstairs – James, you remember him, young blonde thing – and Brian rode with me in the ambulance. He couldn’t get you on the phone.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I was at the caravan park with Harford,” Alec replies. “Where is – is Sinclair comin’?”

“On his way, they said.”

He nuzzles her cheek and she holds onto his shoulders. “Gonna be all right,” he whispers against her ear.

“She’s eight weeks early.” Ellie blinks a few stray tears leak out.

He kisses her forehead. “I know.”

Alec sits on the edge of the bed and she snuggles into him. He keeps an arm around her and a hand in her hair. “’s all right, love.”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Ellie mumbles into his shirt. “You _were_ being a knob end though.”

“I know.” He kisses the top of her head several times. “I’m so goddamn bloody thrilled to be havin’ a baby with you, you know that, right?”

She nods, sniffling.

“I’m completely _petrified_ , mind you,” he says. “But I am over the moon. And I am so unbelievably in love with you.”

Ellie looks up at him with tear-stained cheeks and he wipes a few tears away with his thumb.

“Yeah,” she says softly with a smile.

He smiles back. “My love for you is so massive it can’t be understood with the mind.”

She begins to shift uncomfortably and suddenly she’s squeezing him and wincing.

“Contraction?”

She nods, gritting her teeth and groaning. “Still in love with me now?” She moans painstakingly.

Alec smiles even though she’s dangerously close to breaking a bone in his hand. “Very much so.”

Then it’s over and she collapses back on her very thin pillow. “Well done.” He kisses her forehead. “What do you need?”

“My bloody doctor,” Ellie complains. “Still hardly any idea what’s going on.”

“How about some ice chips instead?”

She holds onto his arm. “Please don’t go.”

He sits back down on the bed, his arm snaking back around her. “All right. It’s all right.”

In walks a nurse with a clipboard. “Ah! See now, look at that, Ellie, I _said_ he’d be here by the time I came back, didn’t I?”

She’s about thirty-five, blonde, small, and to Alec’s mind entirely too relaxed. She approaches him offering a hand. “I’m Diana. We’ll be seeing a lot of each other tonight.”

“Alec.” He shakes it. “Thanks for takin’ care of her.”

“Don’t worry. I get paid.” She smiles. “How’re we doing, Ellie?”

“Fine. Just had another contraction.”

“Still at about seven minutes then?” Diana travels around to the other side of the bed.

“Reckon so.”

“What can you tell us?” Alec asks. “Must be _something_ I’ve missed before gettin’ here.”

“Not much actually. Dr. Sinclair should be here any moment,” Diana replies. “Ellie’s cervix is about four centimeters dilated with contractions about seven minutes apart so we’re just playing the waiting game for now.”

“But the baby is eight weeks early,” he says.

“And we’re monitoring her as closely as we can before the doctor arrives.”

Alec frowns. “Isn’t there somethin’ we should be doin’?”

Diana pauses, then smiles. “Thirty-two weeks is typically the safety zone. If that’s what you’re asking.”

Ellie glances at Alec, then back at the nurse. “What’s that mean exactly?”

“Well, it means most of your baby’s organs have already developed, or mostly developed. Survival rate at this stage is extremely high,” she explains.

Dr. Sinclair strides in, hurried but calm. “Ninety-one percent in fact,” he announces.

“Oh, thank god,” Ellie exhales at his appearance.

“How are we doing here?”

“Well, we’re havin’ a baby two months early, so not great,” Alec replies.

Dr. Sinclair takes the chart from Diana and gives it a once-over. “All right.” He looks up at Ellie now with a tight smile. “Okay then?”

“ _No_ ,” Ellie says.

“All right.” He brings a rolling stool over and sit down at the foot of the bed. “Open those legs for me.”

She does, with Alec holding her hand. After a minute or two, Sinclair stands again.

“Good news is she’s not in breech position,” he says. “That’s often a fear with pre-term deliveries, but she’s got herself just about ready to go. Quite eager to get out into the world, seems to me.”

“Headstrong like her mother,” Alec notes.

Ellie raises an eyebrow. “ _And_ her father.”

“Here’s what happens now. We’ll give you some steroids, for the baby. And Ellie, I’m assuming you want an epidural.”

Her eyes practically light up. “ _Can_ I?”

“Oh yes.” He glances over at Diana. “We should get the anesthesiologist in here now for that.” Diana disappears. “Do bear in mind that your labor is likely to go much quicker than the last few times, both because of the pre-term delivery and because this is your third child. And of course given the baby’s eagerness…” He smiles.

Alec nods. “What should we be worried about? What are we lookin’ at in terms of complications?”

Ellie is grateful to him for asking the question, but slightly resentful because she doesn’t want to hear the answers right now.

“Well, at the moment we have every reason to believe she’ll make it through just fine,” Sinclair tells them. “Her lungs will be the wild card, as they may not be as developed as we’d like. There are a number of factors at play but she’s likely to spend the next few weeks in the NICU.”

Ellie’s eyes well up again and she nods. Alec rubs his thumb back and forth across her hand.

“But you’re not worried,” Alec confirms.

“I’m _concerned_ , but there’s little sense is worrrying,” Sinclair says. “There’s very little we can know until she’s on the outside, but I have very high hopes here.”

Ellie tries to sit up a bit. “Do you have any idea what’s caused this?”

The doctor shrugs. “No. There are any numbers of reasons, some more serious than others, but the serious ones we’d likely have known about ahead of time. Could simply be your age, putting you at a higher risk. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong, however.”

She slowly turns her gaze to Alec even as she addresses Sinclair. “So it’s _not_ the caffeine I had this morning.”

Sinclair smiles. “No.” He places the chart to its spot. “I’ll be back shortly.”

He sweeps out of the room. Alec takes out his mobile.

Ellie glares at him. “Do _not_ google _pre-term birth_.”

His mouth opens when he looks at her and he puts the mobile down. “ _Fine_.”

“We _should_ call the kids though,” she says. “What time is it?”

He looks at his watch. “Nearing four. Oh, bollocks.”

“Fred’s little recital!”

“Your dad and Lucy were goin’, right?” Alec asks, pulling out his mobile again.

“Think so, yeah. Can have them bring the kids here after.”

“After?”

“Well, no reason for them to come before. Nothing for them to do here, is there?” Ellie counters. “Go on and call Luce first.”

*

Tom, Daisy, Lucy, and David sit in a row in the small makeshift auditorium at Fred’s nursery school. The two chairs on the aisle are conspicuously empty as the last few stragglers trickle in.

“Probably stuck at work,” Tom surmises.

“Not like them not to call. Or text,” Daisy says. “Usually at least _one_ of them shows up to these things even if they’re busy.”

Tom looks at her mischievously. “Unless there’s been a _murder_.”

Lucy leans over and whacks Tom’s knee. “Don’t you joke about things like that, you.”

Tom’s expression instantly changes to _insulted_. “It’s not a joke! There _could_ have been a murder!”

Daisy is looking anxiously at the stage. “Fred is going to lose his _mind_ if they’re not here. D’you think he can tell from the stage?"

Lucy’s mobile vibrates. “Good reminder to turn that off,” she says, before glancing at it, then smirking at the rest of them. “DI Hardy, what a surprise. If there was a murder, Tom, I’m coming for you.” She answers it. “Let me guess, you’re running late. You’re – oh. Wait. But it’s – yeah. Yeah, all right. We’re all here. We’ll just – are you sure? Right. Right. Is she – okay, ta.”

They’re all staring at her by the time she ends the call. “Ellie’s in labor.”

A collective “ _What_ ” is the response.

“They want us to stay for the show, then grab Fred and head to hospital. Someone needs to stop at the house and pick up a few things first,” Lucy explains.

David nods calmly. “I’ll take the kids, you run to the house.”

Daisy is staring at Lucy. “We’re just supposed to _sit here_ and listen to five-year-olds sing while Ellie is in labor?”

“Yes.” The lights start to dim. “Quiet now. Fred will be lookin' for us.”

*

The contractions are five minutes apart now, and lasting nearly a minute. Alec holds Ellie’s hand as if they’re about to arm wrestle. She writhes in the bed, moaning loudly. He’s always known she had some serious lungs on her, but it’s a lot more fun to experience when it’s due to pleasure and not pain.

“Look at me, El,” he encourages her.

“Fuck off.”

“Come on, look at my stupid Shitface.”

She starts to laugh, then groans again.

“Hey.” He turns her head until she looks at him. “You’re brilliant. You’ve got this. Look how amazin’ you are.”

She throws her head back on the pillow. “Oh god, _shut up_!”

“I love you.”

“God you’re so annoying.”

Alec nods. “Yeah, keep goin’.”

“So stupid. And smug. And _tall_ ,” Ellie snarls. “Such a bloody know-it-all. With your stupid salads and your stupid stewed tea and your – “ She yells out something loud and unintelligible, and then: “ _Bloody wanker knob end son of a cunt_!”

“That’s it, babe, go on.”

“Suddenly dithering on about how you _don’t want a bloody baby_ , well guess fucking what!” She groans through her teeth. “YOU’RE GETTING ONE. And for _free_ , you don’t have to go through any of _this_ , I’m the one bloody suffering and yet there you are complaining and flailing about – “

“I already apologized for that!” Alec counters.

“DON’T ARGUE WITH ME.” She squeezes his hand harder. “I’d like to string you up in the town square!”

“All right, all right.”

The contraction begins to subside. Her grip on his hand starts to loosen. She exhales and leans back against the bed.

“Bad one,” Alec observes.

“Sorry.”

“No bother.”

Diana barely knocks, then walks in with a doctor they don’t recognize.

“All right, Ellie, ready for that epidural?”

“Oh god, bless you.”

Alec holds Ellie’s hand throughout the difficult process of receiving the epidural, and this time succeeds in getting her to focus on him.

“I could never do this, you know,” he tells her, doing his best to distract her from the giant needle going into her back.

“I know.”

“You are so much stronger than me.”

“I know that.”

“My heart couldn’t take it.”

She scowls at him. “Stop that. You know I don’t like that.”

Standing in front of her, he unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt, then he takes her hand and places it on his scar, knowing how his heartbeat calms her.

“Too fast,” she says, a bit like a child.

“Well, we _are_ havin’ a baby.”

“Slow down, Heart,” Ellie says softly, staring at her own hand on the scar. She winces, the pain shooting through her.

“Hey, look at me,” Alec says. She does. “Feel that.”

She nods.

“That’s you.”

She shakes her head. “Stop that.”

“That’s you, El.”

She smiles finally. “Soppy.”

Diana and the doctor step away. “That’s that done!”

The doctor leaves quickly, but Diana stays. She and Alec both help Ellie to lie back again as she gets a little dizzy, turning her onto her side.

“This is a good opportunity to get a few minutes of rest,” Diana tells her. “If you doze off for twenty minutes or so, it’s not such a bad thing. You’ve likely got a long night ahead of you.”

Alec frowns at her. “Sinclair said it’s likely to be fairly quick this time.”

“The delivery. But then – “

He nods suddenly. “Right.”

She nods back sympathetically, then exits. Alec pulls his chair up as close as he can, so that they’re nearly face to face. He touches her cheek.

“How d’you feel?”

She smiles lazily.

He smiles back. “Bit woozy, eh?” He begins stroking her hair. “El.”

“Mmm.”

“We’re gonna have a baby soon.”

She smiles a little wider. “Yeah.”

He lays his head on the pillow, only an inch or so from hers, and keeps stroking her hair.

Her eyelids grow heavy as she asks, “Remember when you stole my job?”

Alec kisses her lips, then she falls asleep.

*

Fred’s response to the news of his mother being in labor had been, “DURING MY RECITAL?”

He has not taken it well.

He complains the entire car ride, despite Tom and Daisy’s attempts to distract him with literally anything else. He is _still the baby_ , he insists. He is supposed to be the baby for eight more weeks. He has it marked on a calendar that he can barely read.

When they arrive at the hospital, David sends Alec a text to inform him. After a few minutes, he meets them in the lobby. Fred comes rushing at him, demanding to be picked up.

“You missed my recital.”

Alec picks him up. “I know, lad, I’m so sorry.”

“What’s going on?” Daisy asks urgently.

“I didn’t miss a word in the whole song!” Fred announces.

“Ellie’s asleep.”

“ _Asleep_?” David repeats.

“Gave her an epidural a little while ago. Said she should take advantage of it and rest while she can,” Alec explains. “Won’t be long now.”

“But it’s too early, isn’t there anything they can do to stop it?” Daisy wonders.

“Stop it!” Fred exclaims enthusiastically.

“Not since her water broke,” Alec answers. “They thought about slowin’ down the contractions but it didn’t seem like it would make a difference.”

“What about the baby? Is she okay?” Tom pipes in.

“They think so. They won’t know much ‘til she comes out.”

Tom folds his arms across his chest and seems to be trying to calm himself. “Can we see her?”

Alec glances over at the receptionist, who is already glaring back at all of them.

“…Probably not all at once.”

Daisy takes a step back and gestures to the boys. “You two go. I’ll go find us some food.”

David nods. “And I’ll hold down the fort here.”

*

Ellie is already half-awake when Alec enters with Fred in his arms and Tom trailing behind him.

“Got some visitors, love.”

Ellie blinks all the way awake, then tries to sit up. Alec puts Fred down and goes to help her.

“Mumma, my recital!”

She looks confused for a moment, then nods. “I know, my sweet love, I’m so sorry to miss it.”

“The baby didn’t want you to see it,” Fred complains with a pout. “Can I get in bed with you?”

Alec lifts him onto the edge. “Can sit right here.”

Fred looks at Ellie with his big brown eyes. “Can I hug you?”

“Course you can.” Ellie pulls him into her arms and he snuggles into her, laying his head on her chest.

Tom takes a step or two closer. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore,” Ellie replies with a smile. “Drugs are a beautiful thing. But not for you! Don’t do drugs.”

Tom smiles. She holds her hand out to him and he takes it.

“I wasn’t allowed in when Fred was born,” he says. “Weird seeing you like this to be honest.”

“I was born like this?” Fred asks.

“In this very hospital,” Ellie answers, squeezing him.

Alec can’t resist taking a picture of the three of them with his mobile. Ellie is annoyed by it now, but he knows she’ll be grateful later.

Tom looks around the room. “Will the baby be okay?”

“We think so,” Ellie says, with a quick swallow. “We hope so.”

“ _You’ll_ be okay though, yeah?”

She gives him a tight smile and nods. “I’ll be fine, lovely.”

“Do you need anything?”

Fred looks up. “Do you need more cuddles? I can help.”

“Thank you, little love.” She kisses his head. “But pretty soon you’ll want to be far away from here, I promise you. Can be a bit scary to watch.”

Fred looks over at Alec. “Will _you_ stay to give Mumma cuddles? You’re not scared.”

“I’ll be here, lad. Every second.”

“I have an idea!” Fred exclaims suddenly. “When the baby comes I’ll sing her my song from the recital and make her sleep.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Ellie says with a smile. “That is very sweet, she’ll like that.”

“Can we make her sleep for eight more weeks?”

Ellie and Alec smirk at each other. They knew the offer was too good to be true.

“Well, could be a while before she comes home,” Alec explains. “She’ll be a bit too little to leave the hospital.”

Fred grins. “Oh good.”

Diana walks in, and is startled by the extra people in the room.

“ _Oh_. Hello there.”

“These are my boys,” Ellie says with pride.

Diana goes straight to the end of the bed and sticks her hand under Ellie’s hospital gown. Both boys’ eyes widen with horror.

“Eight centimeters, Ellie. I’m going to bring the doctor in.”

She disappears again.

“What’s that mean?” Tom questions.

“Means it won’t be long now,” Alec replies. “Come on, say goodbye for now.”

Ellie squeezes Fred, then Alec helps him off the bed. Tom gives her a hug too.

“Back in a mo, love,” Alec says, leading the boys out of the room.

He returns the boys to the waiting room, where Lucy has now arrived with a bag from home. Alec thanks her and takes the bag, then feels Fred tugging on his trouser leg. He kneels down, and Fred throws his arms around him.

“You’re not scared,” Fred says, as if willing it to be true.

Alec holds him tight. “Nope, not me. Not scared.”

“Then I’m not either,” the child announces. “Mumma scared?”

“…Maybe a little.”

Fred nods somberly as if he’d expected this. “You have to take her scared away. That’s what daddies do.”

“Mr. Hardy.”

Diana has appeared in the waiting room. She simply nods at him when he looks back her, then leaves again. Alec gives Fred a kiss then stands. He looks at all of them once before heading out of the room after her, amidst a chorus _good luck_ s and _love you_ s.

Back in room 108, there are considerably more people than before, prepping Ellie for delivery. She has clearly been waiting anxiously for him to return, staring at the door when he walks in.

“Gonna be all right,” he tells her softly, taking her face in his hands and touching their foreheads together.

“From the strong place,” Ellie says, repeating the meaning of a baby name on their list.

Alec nods and smiles. “From the strong place.” He kisses her, lingering for as long as he can before the commotion makes him pull back. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Okay, Ellie,” Dr. Sinclair says with an air of definitiveness. “Ready?”

***


	3. Chapter 3

Ellie can hardly feel a thing below her chest.

She’s got her legs in stirrups, she knows intellectually, and Alec’s arms around her to keep her sitting up, leaning forward. Dr. Sinclair tells her to _push_ , and each time she only knows she’s actually done it when she sees him nod. Alec helps push her forward, occasionally kissing her temple and rubbing her arm, encouragingly. Though she cannot feel much, that’s part of what makes it uncomfortable, and she finds herself groaning from distress rather than from pain.

“Almost there, Ellie,” Dr. Sinclair informs her. “One big push should do it.”

Ellie can’t much tell what’s big and what isn’t, but she does her best to give it all she’s got. In the moment she finds herself utterly terrified, knowing that a crucial moment is just seconds away. Will the baby cry? Will she be rushed off to the NICU immediately? Will she be _blue_?

Alec leans forward to glance over the stirrups as Dr. Sinclair pulls the baby out, luckily without the help of forceps.

“Beautiful,” Sinclair praises Ellie.

Alec stares at the baby, tearing immediately filling his eyes, and both he and Ellie can’t breathe for a moment, waiting.

“Is she -- ?” Ellie can’t see as well as Alec can.

“My god,” is all he can say.

She starts to cry.

Her parents sigh with relief, holding onto each other and grinning. Both are already in tears by the time she is placed on Ellie’s bare chest. Not blue. But maybe the tiniest bit purple. They look briefly from the baby to each other, grinning through a steady stream of tears.

“So tiny,” Alec says, reaching out to touch her.

Three and a half pounds to be exact. Seventeen inches long.

“Look at her fingers.” Ellie touches an index finger to impossibly small hand.

“Look at her _toes_.”

They grin at each other again, then Alec kisses her. “My brilliant fiancee.”

The baby’s eyes flutter open, and they both gasp.

“Oh my god.” Ellie starts to cry steadily now.

“Yours,” Alec says, choking his own tears back. “Unmistakably your eyes.” He kisses Ellie’s shoulder. “Hello there, wee lass.”

The baby is looking right at Ellie.

“Sweet, sweet girl,” Ellie coos.

“Been waitin’ for you,” Alec says softly. “Had hoped to wait a little longer but…here you are. Impatience runs in the family, I’m afraid.”

“Mr. Hardy.” Diana’s voice interrupts them. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord now?”

Ellie smiles at him. “Go on then.”

Alec cuts the cord, then returns to them as quickly as possible.

“God, she’s gorgeous,” he says.

Ellie looks over at him with a smirk. “Conceived upon a sink.”

Alec chuckles and kisses the baby’s head lightly.

She looks at the baby now. “Mummy’s not safe from Daddy _anywhere_ , so be warned now.”

“Always knock,” Alec adds.

Suddenly the baby’s breathing becomes labored and she begins to make little grunting sounds.

“What is – “ Alec stands up straight and looks at the nurses and doctor. “What’s going on.”

Dr. Sinclair comes closer. Then reaches for the baby. “It’s all right. Her lungs aren’t quite ready to be on their own full-time,” he says, as calmly as he can. He glances to a nurse. “Let’s get her to the NICU. Now.”

The baby is peeled off Ellie’s chest and very quickly swept away and out of the room. Ellie lets out an involuntary cry of anguish at the abrupt loss, and Alec stares at the door after them.

“What just happened?” Ellie asks him, voice trembling.

“I don’t – I think --- “ He grabs onto her hand.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can,” Diana says. “Try not to worry too much.”

“Can I go?” Ellie calls after her, agonized. “Let me come with you.”

But Diana is gone, and another nurse says, “We’re still waiting for you to deliver the placenta.”

Ellie starts to cry. “How far away is the NICU? Is it close? Is it on this floor? When can I go?”

No answer satisfies her. Alec sits on the edge of the bed and holds her, in shock himself. She remains fairly unaware of everything happening below the waist, her legs still in stirrups. Finally she’s told the placenta has been delivered and that she doesn’t need stiches. As soon as she’s ready to get up, they tell her, she can take a shower, with help. Alec continues to hold her until she stops trembling, stroking her hair. They both sit silently, staring off, until Ellie falls asleep. Alec is grateful and lays her gently down on her pillow. Then he braces himself to face everyone in the waiting room.

Fred catches a glimpse of him in the hallway before anyone else and comes running. Everyone else looks up.

Alec is not quite sure what to lead with. “Everyone’s okay,” he says.

He takes Fred’s hand and continues over to the rest of them.

“Ellie’s sleeping. The baby’s in the NICU.”

They all looked alarmed.

“But is she – you said she’s okay?” Daisy says, bewildered.

“It’s what we expected,” Alec says. “She needs extra support. Ellie got to hold her for a few minutes, but that was all her little lungs could take on their own.”

“What’s the NICU?” Fred questions.

“It’s where all the littlest babies go when they need some extra help,” Alec explains. “On the floor below us. There are specialists who can take better care of her there.”

Tom stands. “Can we go see her?

“Need to wait and see what the doctor says, lad. And I think your mum would kill us if we went and saw her before she could.”

“What can we do?” Lucy asks.

“Not sure, to be honest.” He shrugs, plunging his hands into his pockets. “Might do well to head home. Have some supper, relax. Business as usual. Not much to do be done here at the moment.”

“Don’t wanna leave without seeing the baby,” Daisy says.

David pats her shoulder. “We’ll come straight back in the morning, eh? First thing. Maybe be best to give your parents a little space tonight. Been a very stressful day and they’ve still got lots to sort out.”

Daisy sighs glumly.

“El will be starved when she wakes, I reckon,” Lucy notes. “I’ll go grab you all some takeaway and bring it back.”

“I’ll take the kids home,” David offers. “And stay the night there.”

“Thank you, both of you,” Alec replies.

“We’re gonna leave Mumma in the hospital?” Fred is extremely concerned.

Alec kneels down to his level. “Just for tonight. And I’ll be here with her all the time. You’ll come back and see her in the morning.”

“Can I call before bedtime?”

Alec rubs his back. “We insist you do.”

*

Dr. Sinclair finds Alec in the hallway on his way back to Ellie’s room. They huddle together against the wall, outside the closed door.

“She’s doing just fine,” Sinclair assures him. “She’s set up in the NICU, in an incubator. She’ll need to be attached to a ventilator much of the time, but not at all the time. You’ll still be able to hold her. She’ll need to eat via a feeding tube for now. Her sucking abilities are not quite there yet. It’ll likely be at least a week if not longer until she can properly breastfeed. Ellie will need to start pumping her breastmilk pretty soon. Dr. Pendleton is will be your neo-natal specialist and from this point on, much of your questions will be answered by her. She’ll be round to introduce herself before long.”

Alec takes a breath, internalizing all of the information. “Will she explain all of this again to Ellie when she wakes? In case I forget something?”

“Of course.”

He nods. “And Ellie? Is she – how long will she need to be here?”

“Not long, I reckon,” Sinclair replies. “She’s in fairly good shape, no stitches, I suspect they will release her in the morning. For now she should shower, eat, drink lots of fluids. And of course try to get as much rest as she can. Now is the best time for that, before the effects of the epidural wear off, after that I would guess the stress will try to keep her awake too much of the time.”

“Right.”

The doctor pats Alec’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

*

When Ellie wakes up an hour later, Alec sits at her bedside and tells her everything he learned from Sinclair while they eat the takeaway Lucy has dropped off. For the first time in their relationship, Alec consumes far more than she does. She picks at her food anxiously, as if it has offended her somehow.

“I want to see my baby,” she keeps saying.

 _Soon_ , is the universal response from doctors and nurses alike.

Alec knows that it’s only a very short time before she goes ballistic on all of them. It’ll do them no good to get banned from this hospital. He suggests a shower. She looks at him as if the thought had never occurred to her, then nods. He helps her out of bed and she is extremely wobbly on her feet.

“’s all right, I’ll help you,” he says, slowly guiding her toward the tiny loo.

She looks at him wide-eyed. “Can’t do that, you’ll never want to shag me again if you see what’s going on down there!”

He sighs. “Ellie, is there _anything_ I have _ever_ done to make you think that there is a single thing you could do to make me not want to shag you?”

She remains unconvinced, but allows it for lack of other options.

After her shower, Alec helps her change into the pyjamas Lucy brought, a comfortable flannel set, and then he convinces her to eat the rest of her very late dinner.

Their new best friend (unbeknownst to her) Dr. Pendleton pops in to let them know that now would be a good time to come see the baby, and they follow her slowly to the NICU. Ellie is desperate to get there as quickly as possible, but her body will not allow her to move any faster, and Alec has to hold her steady.

Ellie holds on tightly to Alec when they enter the NICU, a terrifying world of machines and light, of foreign noises that should never be associated with tiny babies. Dr. Pendleton leads them to their baby’s incubator. She hardly moves but for the occasional twitch, a brief flex of a limb, but her parents are utterly mesmerized.

Dr. Pendleton explains how the incubator works, as well as everything the baby is attached to.

“You can hold her as much as you like,” she says. “If her breathing starts to become a bit labored, we’ll simply put her back and she’ll be just fine. Has – “

Ellie interrupts her. “Now? Can we hold her now?”

“Certainly.”

Alec walks Ellie over to a small couch a very feet away, where they can sit together. Dr. Pendleton removes the baby from the incubator and wraps her in a blanket, then puts a little hat on her. Then she puts her in Ellie’s arms.

“I’ll give you a few minutes,” the doctor says, before stepping away.

They haven’t heard her.

Alec leans into them, an arm around Ellie, and a finger stroking the baby’s cheek.

“Got a little more color now,” he says.

Ellie swallows tears. “Yeah.”

Alec plants a kiss on Ellie’s neck, then leans his chin on her shoulder, staring down at the baby. Just like before, when she opens her eyes, they both start to cry.

“Oh god, look,” Ellie says with a sniffle.

“She’s lookin’ right at you.” He grins at Ellie. “She knows who you are. Lookin’ at you with _your_ own eyes.”

She laugh-cries, the only emotional response she can seem to manage now.

“Your chin,” Ellie tells him.

“Nah.”

“It _is_ , look at it. Angular.”

Alec smiles. “Well then thank christ she’s got your nose.”

“You think?”

“Aye, no question.”

“Guess we’ll just have to wait to see if she has a Scottish accent or not.”

Alec bursts out laughing, causing the baby’s eyes to dart around a bit.

“Oh yes, little girl. That’s Daddy,” Ellie says to the baby. “He doesn’t laugh much, but when he does…”

Alec kisses her neck again, then her jaw, and whispers, “I love you.” Ellie simply grins.

They stare at her silently for a few moments, relishing literally every breath she takes with ease. Then Ellie startles.

“Oh.” She looks at Alec. “Love, I’m sorry, you haven’t gotten to hold her at _all_. Here, come on.”

Alec straightens, and Ellie transfers the baby into his arms.

“Bloody hell, she’s so _light_.”

Ellie nods a bit sadly. “Three and a half pounds.” Then suddenly she’s grinning. “Look at the way she looks at you. Keep talking, it’s your voice she knows.”

“Ah, my wee bonny lass,” he says to her, causing Ellie to chuckle. “Mummy calls the shots around here, as you can plainly see. Quite fair, seein’ as she knows just about everythin’. Been seventeen years since I held a baby like this. Your sister. It’s all quite different now.”

“Not so different.” Ellie lays her head on his shoulder. “Love is still love.”

The baby makes a contented little noise and they both coo at her.

“You know what her name needs to be, don’t you?” Ellie says.

Alec nods. “From the strong place.”

She nods back against his shoulder. “From the strong place.”

“Meaning you,” he says.

“Meaning _us_ ,” Ellie amends.

“And her middle name?”

She turns her head to look at him, smiling at the way he’s looking at the baby. “Grace, I think it must be, after all this.”

“Mmm.” He nods. “Yes.”

Ellie grins down at her. “Aila Grace Hardy.”

Dr. Pendleton approaches them gingerly. “How are we doing here?”

“Wonderful,” Ellie says dreamily.

“Good. Has Dr. Sinclair spoken to you about kangaroo care?”

Ellie sits up. “Oh. That’s the um, skin to skin thing, yeah?”

“Yes,” Dr. Pendleton replies. “Good for all babies, but premature ones especially. As much time as she can spend having skin to skin contact with you, the better. The baby will sleep better, it helps with thermal regulation, stabilized heart rate and brain function, helps with weight gain, and reduces stress levels. And it’ll help you, Ellie, with your milk supply, and fights against post-partum.”

“You don’t need to convince us,” Ellie says. “I’m more than happy to have her as close as possible.

“You too, Mr. Hardy. It’s recommended that the fathers do it as much as possible as well.”

“Of course.”

“Great. Let’s go on and give it a try now shall we?” The doctor suggests. “Ellie, you might be a little more comfortable if you try it supine.”

Alec stands, holding the baby, and Ellie lies down on the couch. She unbuttons her pyjama top and pushes the sides away, exposing her bare chest and sternum. Dr. Pendleton takes the baby, unwraps her from the blanket, and lies her on Ellie’s chest, showing them the proper position.

“Should be between your breasts, Ellie, head to the side where she can make eye contact with you. Arms and legs folded. And you can throw a blanket on top for warmth,” she explains. “And that’s it. You can get a sling to keep her there as you go about your day at home, if you want, to make it easier.”

“Thank you,” Ellie says, distractedly, occupied with the baby on her chest.

“I can help you switch in a few minutes if you like.”

Dr. Pendleton leaves them again. Overwhelmed, Alec takes out his mobile and snaps a picture.

“Oi!” Ellie exclaims. “Not with my tits out.”

“’s just for _me_ , El, just for us. Not about to plaster it all over the bloody internet,” Alec says. “You’ll be glad for it later.”

He sits on the edge of the couch facing them.

“Gorgeous,” he says, in awe. Then he kisses her lips.

“She’s so beautiful. How did we make her so beautiful?”

“Amazin’ what can happen when you shag on top of a sink,” he replies.

“God, that was a good shag,” she exhales.

“It really was.”

She tilts her head down. “Sorry, Baby.”

“Has a name now,” Alec points out.

Ellie smiles. “Aila. Sorry, Aila.”

“Odd now, her on the outside of you.” He gently strokes the baby through the blanket that tops her.

“Much nicer,” Ellie says with a quiet bit of glee.

“Can’t get over the way she looks at you.”

“Wait ‘til she’s a teenager,” Ellie replies. “Then see how she looks at me.”

“Shh now, only a few hours old, can’t we just live in this a moment?”

“Right, sorry.”

Within a few more minutes, Aila’s breathing starts to become a bit labored. They call a nurse over and watch with mild devastation as she is put back inside the incubator and hooked up to the ventilator. Dr. Pendleton recommends that they get some rest, and they reluctantly return to Ellie’s room.

The bed has blissfully been re-made, sheets changed, and Ellie is oddly relieved to be getting back in it, her entire body aching, inside and out. Alec helps her back into bed, then settles into the chair beside her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Ellie questions.

“Well, I’m not _leavin’_ you,” he says indignantly.

“Course you’re not.” She inches over to the other side of the small bed. “Get in.”

Alec looks around, though there is no one else in the room with them. “Dunno, El.”

“I’m not sick, I’m not hooked up to anything, I’m here purely to be observed for another eight hours. Believe me, no one cares,” she tells him. He hesitates. “Alec Hardy, if you think you’re _not_ going to hold me the night we’ve had a baby, you’re more of a bloody knob end than I thought you were.”

Alec finds her quite difficult to argue with in her current state. And besides that, he is positively _aching_ to hold her, and has been for some time.

“Right, then.”

He takes off his shoes, pulls off his belt, and untucks his shirt. Then he goes to the bag Lucy brought and pulls out a blanket from home. “Forgot this.”

“Oh, bless Lucy,” Ellie says with a grateful sigh.

She lies on her side away from him and he crawls in beside her, spreading the blanket over them. He snuggles in against her, arm around sternum, face in her hair.

“You comfortable?” He asks uncertainly.

“No,” she replies. “It’ll be some time before I’m comfortable again. But I’m _happy_.”

“Mm.” He kisses her neck.

She unfastens a button in the middle of her pyjama top, then grabs his hand and slips it inside, resting it just below her breasts. “Skin to skin,” she says.

He kisses her neck again, then her hair. His thumb rubs across her skin gently.

“You’re amazin’, you know that?” He whispers.

She smiles and hums a little. “Mm, yes, but tell me again.”

“Absolutely incredible.”

They both take deep breaths, calming themselves from the emotional journey of the day. They close their eyes.

“Thank you for my baby,” Ellie says softly, then yawns.

And then they’re asleep.

***


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that it's been five days since the last time I posted, which is by far the longest I've gone since I started writing this ship in August. What a life. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, this story in particular has been a difficult one to write so if you're out there and you're enjoying it, please do let me know! 
> 
> xx

At 7am the next morning, Alec wakes up in Ellie’s hospital bed alone. It requires no guessing to determine where she is. Trudging through the hallway in yesterday’s disheveled clothes, he finds her in the NICU. She sits on the small couch in only some very forgiving leggings, topless but for the baby on her chest. He looks around, spotting a few other parents surrounding other incubators. No one seems to notice. This is their reality now.

He approaches them with a smile. She looks up.

“We really had a baby last night, huh?” He says.

She smiles back, entirely content. “Sorry, I couldn’t stay away any longer,” she says. “And I couldn’t bear to wake you.”

He sits beside her on the couch, before kissing her cheek, then the baby’s head. “How is she?”

“Good. Nurses said she did well overnight,” Ellie replies. “Hate that she’s got do the feeding tube though, just absolutely breaks my heart.”

“I know.” He slides an arm around her shoulders and pulls her against him. The baby’s eyes dart around until they meet his. “Mornin’, wee lass."

“Had to pump already this morning,” she continues. “It’s really starting to come in now, the more I hold her. Awful that I can’t just give it to her.”

The baby opens and closes her mouth against Ellie’s chest repeatedly like a fish.

“See, the way she does that?” Ellie says. “She _wants_ to nurse, she just doesn’t know how.”

“Maybe it won’t be as long as they think. Might go for it a bit sooner,” Alec replies hopefully. “Any child of ours is sure to be advanced.”

She nods. “Sweet though, isn’t it? Her little mouth.”

They’re quiet for a few moments, utterly mesmized by the child they made. Then Alec kisses her shoulder and says, “Need to talk about next steps, I s’pose.”

“What next steps?” Ellie asks, frowning. “I’m not leaving.”

“I…” He clears his throat quickly. “Right. We’ll need to figure out things with the kids, and our official leave at work, and – “

“I don’t think you should just yet,” she says tentatively. “I just mean…I think you might wait until she comes home to take your leave. Maximize your time with her. Not so much you can do with her in the NICU.”

He stiffens a bit. “Well, like to be here _with_ you.”

“You will be, after work. Save it. Be with her full time when we _have_ her full time.”

Alec considers this carefully, then nods. “All right.”

Two of the other parents pass by and Alec goes red, feeling uncomfortable about Ellie with her shirt off. She clocks it right away.

“You’ll need to get used to that,” she tells him pointedly. “My tits are going to be out more than half the time now. That’s the gig.”

“You’re just…all right with everyone…seein’…”

Ellie scoffs. “Christ, what do _I_ care? My tits belong to a baby now and the baby doesn’t care who sees.”

He nods somberly, but remains unconvinced. Something to work on. It’s also a new thing to see her breasts and try _not_ to be turned on. They are not here for him. This will take some getting used to.

Ellie sits up a bit, holding onto the baby. “You want to try it now?”

“I, um.” Then he nods, eagerly.

“Go on, then. Unbutton,” she directs him. “You should go home and change soon, by the way.”

He ignores her and focuses on unbuttoning his chest as quickly as possible. Then he opens it.

“Lie back.”

He does. Then she peels the baby off her own chest and gingerly places her on his. He replaces her hands on her with his. He can't do anything to stop the smile that immediately spreads across his face at the feeling of his daughter’s skin against his own. Feeling her breathing. Her tiny little heartbeat.

Ellie reaches for her top and pulls it back on over her head, all without taking her eyes off them. Alec bows his head to kiss the top of the baby’s and Ellie starts to cry. He turns to look at her, smile still wide on his face. Which only makes her cry more. She leans against him and kisses his cheek, stroking his hair affectionately.

“What an impossibly lovely sight you two are,” Ellie says softly, overwhelmed.

Alec finds himself at a loss for something to say. He cannot quite describe this feeling, and perhaps he doesn’t want to. He opens his mouth to speak, then simply shakes his head, looking back down at Aila.

“How’s your heartbeat _now_?”

He exhales. “Can’t tell whether it’s mine or hers.”

Ellie lays her head atop his shoulder. “Wild, isn’t it?” She says. “We have a _baby_.”

He can only nod. Then after a moment, he asks, “D’you think we ever would have – I mean if it hadn’t happened by accident, do you think we ever would have gotten to a place where we’d have…tried?”

“Dunno,” Ellie answers honestly. “I think possibly by the time we got to that place, we’d have been too old. Or, _I’d_ have been too old, I s’pose.”

“Yeah.”

“But I’m very glad the universe intervened,” she says with a smile. “And I’m very grateful for accidents.”

They stay that way for quite a while, the three of them huddled together in the NICU. They allow themselves to simply be thankful for the way things have unfolded. The pain of having to be in the NICU and the reality of the having a child born premature are far away, if only for this brief time. Soon they have to give the baby up, relinquish her to Dr. Pendleton for a number of tests and examinations. They stay nearby, watching, their hands clasped together tightly. When the tests are finished, Aila is hooked back up to the ventilator and to the feeding tube. Ellie goes to pump while Alec retreats to the hallway to check in on the kids via mobile.

It’s about an hour later when the rest of the family comes barreling in. Alec is on the phone with Jenkinson when it happens, and has forgotten to warn Ellie, who is in the NICU holding the baby, walking her around to various incubators to meet the other babies.

Immediately upon seeing the baby in his mother’s arms, Fred is _furious_. This is precisely what Ellie had anticipated would happen and had she been warned, she would have seen to it that _Alec_ was holding Aila when the kids arrived. And that is how it came to be that five-year-old Fred Miller had a massive temper tantrum in the NICU.

Upon hearing the commotion, Alec ends his call abruptly and follows the sound. David and Lucy are trying to quiet Fred while Daisy and Tom try to talk some sense into him. Ellie, in tears, has had to walk away because it’s too loud and the baby starts crying. Alec grabs Fred, picks him up, and carries him out of the NICU without a word. Fred wails all the way to the waiting room where he is sat down and sternly told _That’s enough._

Fred blinks at his step-father, red eyes wet and irritated, for he has never been spoken to that way by him before.

“You can’t do things like this, lad. You can’t throw a fit in the middle of a hospital, and you can’t expect that screamin’ is goin’ to get you your way,” Alec tells him firmly. “You’re gettin’ too big.”

“But I wanted to hug Mumma,” Fred whines. “And she had a baby instead.”

“You knew you were comin’ to the hospital to meet the baby,” Alec tries to reason.

“No, to see Mumma.” Fred sniffs. “Granddad said the baby was in a calculator.”

“Incubator.”

“In…abator.”

Alec sits in the chair next to him and turns to him, attempting an air of _man to man_.

“You have a baby sister now, Fred. That’s not goin’ to change no matter how many tantrums you throw,” Alec says. “She’s not goin’ anywhere.”

“But why did you _need_ her?” Fred asks plaintively. “There are already enough of us. Did I get too old? Does there always need to be a baby? When she turns five, will you have another one?”

Alec shudders. “Good god no.”

Fred frowns at him, confused and unsatisfied.

“No, lad. Got nothin’ to do with that.”

“Tom says that he was _ten_ when I was born. Ten! Why didn’t I get to be ten before the baby came?”

“These things aren’t always planned,” Alec replies. “This is just the way it worked out.”

Fred folds his little arms across his chest and pouts. “Because you have too much sex!”

Alec closes his eyes and takes a breath. “No…it only takes one time to make a baby. It’s not about…frequency.” Although, he thinks, if it _were_ , they’d certainly have been in trouble. 

“What if it happens _again_?”

Alec grimaces. “…What if what happens again?”

“What if you make another baby on accident?”

“We _won’t._ ” Alec shakes his head fervently. “I promise you. No more babies after this.”

“How can you promise if ‘these things aren’t always planned’?” Fred argues.

Alec thinks about how he might explain it and is immediately exhausted. “You’re just goin’ to have to trust me on this one, lad.”

Fred sits silently for a moment, swinging his legs that hang off the chair.

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Aila.”

“Ailie,” Fred says, immediately coining a nickname. “Kinda sounds like Ellie.”

“…It kind of does,” Alec agrees reluctantly. That’ll be annoying.

“Does she cry a lot?”

“Right now, no,” he replies. “She’s quite calm actually. Has the same eyes as you and your mum.”

Fred smiles instinctively, then frowns. “Those are only for me and Mumma.”

“Now it’s somethin’ all three of you share. Somethin’ nobody else has. Not me, not Tom, not Daisy,” Alec says.

“Does she have the same nose?” He asks.

Alec hesitates. “…She’s got your mum’s nose. You’ve got your dad’s.” He assumes. Because he does not have Ellie’s. “But you’ve got your mum’s cute little chin and she hasn’t.”

Fred suddenly looks alarmed. “Whose chin does she have??”

Alec laughs. “ _Mine_.”

“Oh.” Fred starts to feel around his face looking for other features. “Whose hair?”

“Hard to say yet. She hasn’t got much.”

Fred chuckles. This makes him feel like he has the advantage over her. “I wanna see.”

“You wanna meet the baby?”

“Ailie.”

“You sure?” Alec looks at him searchingly. “You can’t throw another fit in there. You have to promise me. On Rhino’s life.”

Fred’s eyes widen. His precious stuffed giraffe.

“I…okay. On Rhino’s life. On pain of death!”

Alec would love to know where he picked up that phrase, but that’s for another time.

“Okay.” Alec stands and holds his hand out to Fred.

Fred takes his hand and hops off the chair.

When they return to the NICU hand in hand, Daisy is sitting on the couch holding a bundled up Aila. Ellie sits beside her. Tom, David, and Lucy stand to the side. It is surely only a matter of time before they get yelled at, for this is absolutely too many visitors, but they’re earned the goodwill of most of the nurses so perhaps they’ll look the other way for a few more minutes.

Ellie looks up and tries to communicate silently with Alec about Fred’s tantrum. His eyes tell her everything’s all right for now and she sighs with relief. Fred breaks free of Alec and runs toward Ellie, attempting to climb on her lap. She stops him, and Lucy grabs him.

“Oh no, love, I’m so sorry,” Ellie says patiently. “A whole entire baby came out of me yesterday so I’m afraid I’m a bit too sore to hold you right now.”

Fred looks horrified. Everyone seems to be holding their breath, preparing for another tantrum.

“But you can come right up next to me. Come on, sit between me and Daiz,” she beckons him. “I can snuggle you next to me.”

Fred looks back at Alec, who nods. Some sort of silent communication passes between them and Fred decides to be strong. Ellie makes room for Fred on the couch, and he sits between them. Ellie kisses his hair and cuddles him.

“I missed you, my little love.”

Fred smiles as she kisses him all over. Then he notices the baby.

Alec walks over and sits on the arm of the couch next to Daisy, musing over the sight of his daughters together. Daisy is quiet, perhaps a bit overwhelmed. Alec rubs her back and kisses her head. She looks up at him and grins, crinkling up her nose.

“So weird,” she says, and Alec laughs. “She’s the smallest person I’ve ever seen. And she’s my _sister_. Never thought I’d _have_ a sister.”

Fred positions himself on his knees and leans against Daisy, peering over the baby. “She looks crinkly.”

“Well she was inside of your mum until last night so give her a little time to adjust to the outside world,” Lucy remarks.

Ellie looks at Tom, who has been suspiciously quiet. “You wanna hold her, lovely?”

Tom takes a single step back and shakes his head. “When she’s bigger. She looks too…fragile now.”

Ellie reaches out and squeezes his hand. “All right.”

Fred points at the baby’s face. “She has my eyes.” He touches his eyelid, then turns to Ellie and pokes her under eye. “And your eyes.” He looks at Tom. “Not Tom’s eyes.”

“Tom’s got his dad’s eyes,” David says too quickly, then retreats a bit.

“And I have my dad’s nose,” Fred says. “But he’s not really my dad. He just gave me a nose.”

Ellie snuggles him closer. Alec looks at Daisy.

“All right, darlin’? You want me to take her?”

Daisy nods. “Getting pins and needles in my arms.”

Alec extricates Aila from Daisy and holds her to his chest. “Luce? David?”

Before either of them can respond, one of the nurses clears her throat in their direction. Ellie nods at her.

“Think we’re getting the old heave-ho.”

“But we just got here,” Fred whines.

“The NICU is a very busy place, my love,” Ellie tells him. “Too many people can get in the way.”

Fred holds onto Ellie’s arm. “Mumma, will you come home? Can you make me some peanut butter toast?”

“Anyone can make you peanut butter toast,” Tom says.

Fred throws him an icy glare. “Want Mumma!”

“You should go, El,” Alec says. “Take a nap, have a bath, eat some lunch.”

“Not leaving her,” Ellie replies.

Fred’s eyes begin to well up. “Mumma, please.”

“Just for a few hours,” Alec adds, rocking the baby back and forth. “We’re fine here.”

Ellie glances at pitiful-looking Fred, then at a hopeful Daisy, and a surprisingly interested Tom. “…All right then. Just for a bit.”

“Yay!” Fred jumps off the couch.

David and Lucy usher the kids out of the NICU. Ellie promises to meet them in the lobby. With a bit of a pout, she goes straight to Alec and slips her arms around his waist, the baby between them.

“It’ll be good,” Alec assures her. “We’ll switch off. I’ll go home for dinner. Can’t have your dad doin’ all the work, sleepin’ on the sofa bed every night. We’ll need to make it work.”

“I know,” she says with a sigh.

“Besides you’ll feel much nicer after a hot bath.”

“I will.” She kisses Aila’s cheek and grins at her before lying her head on the other side of Alec’s chest, face to face with her. “We get to do this every day now.”

Alec smiles down at her with some amusement. “Do what?”

“Hold our baby. And hold each other at the same time.”

“Look who’s soppy now,” he comments.

“I can’t wait ‘til she’s home.”

His smile fades a bit. “Could be a while, love.”

“Sweet Aila Grace.” She kisses the baby’s arm. “Going to beat all the odds. Be our little overachiever.”

Alec kisses Ellie’s hair. “Go on then. I’ll call if anythin’ happens.”

“Anything at all.” Ellie pulls back and looks up at him sternly.

“Anythin’ at all,” he confirms.

*

At home, Ellie has forgotten where everything is. Where everything goes. Where she goes. It’s only been a month since they moved in, of course, but still she struggles to feel at home.

Fred’s idea of peanut butter toast is one they all decide to partake in. All three kids and Ellie sitting around the table munching quietly. There’s either too little to say or too much. Each one of them is exhausted and overwhelmed in their own way, and in their own world.

Afterward, Fred insists that Ellie watch an episode of _Peppa Pig_ with him and she does not put up a fight. Snuggled on the couch with her son, her mind wanders quickly away from the tv show and to her daughter. To all the information she took in yesterday and today. To all the ways in which her own body feels foreign to her right now.

Fred falls asleep, and Ellie learns from her father that the child did not sleep well at all the night before. Unsurprisingly. She gently extricates herself from him and lets him sleep on the couch. She wanders upstairs in a bit of a daze, nearly forgetting where she’s going, and lands in the master bedroom, un-lived in since very early yesterday morning. She goes into the master loo and starts to run a bath, suddenly thinking about how glorious it will be to take a bath without being heavily pregnant. She stares in the mirror for a while, at the bags under her eyes, and when she takes her clothes off she winces at the sight of her own body. Now without baby, but still with baby _weight_ , she looks to herself like some sort of amorphous blob. Skin sagging, extra weight that doesn’t quite know where to live on her as it doesn’t quite _belong_ to her.

Unable to look at herself any longer, she slowly slides into the hot bath with a luxurious sigh. Alec was right. There is nothing she needs more right now. She closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind. But all she can see is her baby’s face. Then her baby hooked up to a feeding tube. The nurses in the NICU. The breast pump. The rise and fall of the ventilator. The NHS paperwork.

She remembers the epidural needle going into her back. Her water breaking in the lab. How furious she’s been with Alec early yesterday afternoon. The way absolutely desperate way she’d needed him when she was alone in the hospital waiting. The way he’d put her hand on his heart and said, _That’s you_.

She starts to fall asleep, then startles awake. The water has gone lukewarm and she wonders how long she’s been in there.

After drying off, she changes into her comfy maternity pants and a long, loose jumper. She dabs some moisturizer on her face to soothe her skin and then puts on her shoes. On her way downstairs, she stops at the nursery, door ajar, and steps inside.

It’s about halfway there. A crib and a rocking chair. A half-put together changing table. A few unopened boxes. There’s so much they still need. And of what they do have, so much they can’t use. And no idea when they’ll be able to. No idea how long until the baby will come home.

Ellie finds herself leaning against the wall, slowly sliding downward to the floor. Her body is so sore, she hits the floor and winces, stuck in a position that is uncomfortable physically, but somehow a great comfort mentally. She stares at the crib, yet unmade up, and starts to cry. Then starts to cry harder. Chest heaving, tears flowing rapidly.

A tentative Tom pushes the door open further and steps inside.

“Mum?”

Ellie sniffles and tries to wipe away her tears quickly, but she can’t stop them from coming to it’s useless.

“All right, lovely, I promise.”

“You’re crying on the floor.”

She sniffs. “Very emotional at the moment. Part of the whole thing.”

Tom stands there for a moment watching her. She can barely look at him, her eyes are so wet and foggy.

“Kind of scary. Having the baby this early,” Tom says finally. “Isn’t it?”

She looks up then, wiping her eyes, and nods. Tom nods back, then moves to sit beside her on the floor, against the wall.

“Feels a bit weird,” she says quietly, not looking at him. “Having a person inside you and then…not having her around.”

“But at least she’s all right. Or she’s gonna be.”

Ellie nods. “Yeah.”

Tom looks around the room. “Honestly still can’t really believe there’s going to be a baby here. Not sure it ever felt real when you were…” Feels too weird to say _pregnant_ , for some reason.

Ellie looks at him, waiting for him to continue.

“It’s like a whole new life, you know? It’s weird to think about who we all were just three years ago. It’s like we just walked out of our story and stepped into a whole new one. Like in _Mary Poppins_ with the sidewalk chalk painting.”

She smiles a bit.

“Sometimes I think about Dad. Wonder what he would think,” Tom continues. “Do you?”

“Now and then,” Ellie admits.

“If I’m being honest I’d quite like him to know. Like him to see us now. How…good things are, right?” Tom says. “You’ve got Alec. You’re in love, you have a baby now. I’m doing well in school, got a job, got a girlfriend. And Fred is…you know, super weird but pretty awesome. We have this amazing house.” He’s wringing his hands now, looking down at him. “I just…I’d really like him to know he didn’t break us. We’re so much better off. We’re not in pieces on the floor.”

Ellie puts her arm around his shoulders.

“Bet it would kill him to know,” Tom says.

She kisses his temple. “Proud of you, lovely.”

To her surprise, he turns his head to look at her, somberly. “Proud of _you_ , Mum.”

Her eyes start to well up again. “Oh don’t do _that_ , I’ll never recover.”

Tom smiles. “Love you.”

She smiles back. “More than chocolate.”

Then he stands, holding his hand out to her. She takes it and he pulls it up to standing.

“Going to head back now,” Ellie tells him. “Can you and Daiz hang with your brother for a bit? I’ll send Alec back once I’m there.”

“Yeah, no problem. Cool if Erin comes over?”

Ellie’s first instinct is to say no. But after the maturity her oldest son has just shown her, she decides to challenge herself. “Yeah, all right. But don’t abandon your brother. Hang out with him, please.”

Tom gives her a half-smile. “Fine.”

*

Ellie returns to the NICU, a bit more fresh-faced than before, and certainly more comfortable. Aila has been returned to the incubator and is hooked up to the feeding tube. Alec has pulled a chair beside it and sits. He stands when he sees her enter the room, and she walks right into his arms. He holds her tightly without a word. After a few moments, she pulls back.

“Time for _you_ to shower,” she says with a small smile. “Go home. Be with the kids.”

He keeps her close to him and she slides her arms up around his neck.

“I’ll come back after Fred’s down.”

“Or stay. Get rest, come back in the morning.”

Alec frowns. “What will _you_ do?”

“Be here of course. I’ve got a book. And that couch has my name on it still. Long as I don’t have to fight one of the other mothers for it,” she replies.

“Don’t like you here all night alone.”

“What choice do we have?” Ellie asks. “One of us should be here. One of us should be at home with the kids.”

He’s still frowning. “…This doesn’t sound sustainable, El.”

She pulls him down for a kiss. “We’ll figure it out.”

“You’re all right?”

She nods and kisses him again. “Just hold me for a few minutes. Then go. Yeah?” She buries her face in his chest and he tightens his arms around her.

A loud, insistent beeping noise begins to pervade the NICU, which is soon followed by cries for the nurses. Across the room, two parents they’d met early this morning are standing next to their sons incubator, frantic. A number of nurses pour into the room, followed by two doctors. Alec and Ellie are far enough away that they hear no details, but they _feel_ everything. They watch, still and petrified, clinging to each other.

***


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

Alec wakes up alone in their bed for the next five days.

In the course of their relationship, this is something that has hardly ever happened. He is the early riser of the two, so he almost always has the pleasure of waking up next to Ellie in the mornings, even if she’s still fast asleep.

Now it has become a chore to get her to come home. On Sunday, day two of their daughter’s life, they switch off shifts. After waking up alone, Alec goes to the hospital and sends her home. After a few hours, she texts him and requests to switch again.

Monday, he goes back to work. Everything about it feels strange and painful, but Ellie’s point of saving his paternity leave for when Aila comes home, to maximize his time with her, is well made. He stays connected with her via text constantly throughout the day, and then goes straight to the hospital from the station. When he arrives, Ellie gives him a quick kiss and then goes home to have dinner with the kids and put Fred to bed.

By 10pm, she’s back at the hospital and sends Alec home to get a good night’s sleep before returning to work in the morning. And he wakes up alone again.

By Thursday, it becomes clear that they have not seen each other for more than ten minutes a day since the Sunday.

*

Ellie cannot seem to tear herself away from her daughter with anything less than tears. The thought of Aila in the NICU without her shreds her heart. The baby is steadily making progress, spending less and less time on the ventilator and Ellie cannot bear the idea of not holding her. In the past, she’s not been a particularly clingy mother, or even an ovelyr-obsessed one. But the child is so helpless and there is so little Ellie can give her besides her presence and her arms. She never wants to miss an opportunity to do so.

She’s made friends with a few of the other parents, but they come and go, while she never seems to leave. She makes jokes with the nurses and brings them tea, learns about their home lives and commiserates about their schedules. She now knows what it feels like.

She sleeps in the NICU most nights, while Alec goes home and sleeps in their bed. It’s what makes sense, while he’s still going to work in the morning. On Thursday she realizes she hasn’t slept in her own bed in nearly one whole week, since Aila was born.

On Friday, Alec shows up in the NICU after work like he always does. Ellie hugs him, gives him a quick peck, then looks for her coat. But he holds onto her arm. From his coat pocket, he pulls out a KitKat bar and holds it out to her. She smiles a bit suspiciously, then takes it.

“Happy Anniversary,” he says with a smug smile.

Ellie’s eyes widen, her mouth open. “What?”

They’ve never done anniversaries. Half the time when they are asked, they can’t even remember how long it is that they’ve actually been properly together.

“Today,” Alec says, reaching for her waist and pulling her toward him. “Is the one-year anniversary of our first…”

Ellie grins. “Shag.”

“First snog, first shag, first time wakin’ up with you,” he continues. “Just like us to do it all in one, isn’t it?”

Her grin grows wider and she nods. “Yeah.”

He takes the KitKat in her hand and unwraps it, handing her one piece and taking one for himself. They clink them together as a toast.

“Happy Anniversary, future Mrs. Hardy.”

She blushes. “Happy Anniversary, baby daddy.”

They both take a bite.

“Can’t believe you remembered,” Ellie says.

“Had a feelin’ it must be comin’ up, so I took a look back and tried to find it,” he replies. “Now we can write it down properly.” He runs his index finger along her jawline and kisses her.

“Sorry I didn’t dress up for you.”

She’s in leggings and a loose jumper, as she always is now, her hair haphazardly pinned back, no makeup.

He simply kisses her again in response, entirely unconcerned with such matters.

“Mm, this is nice,” she comments as he keeps kissing her.

“Shh.” He kisses his way down to her neck.

Ellie grins and glances around. No one else seems to notice. “Been a while since we had a good snog.”

“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs into her skin. He finds her pulse point and begins to suck. This is the first time in about a year her skin there hasn’t _already_ been tinted and tender from his ministrations.

“Alec Hardy, _in front of your daughter_?” Ellie asks, faux scandalized, glancing over at the incubator.

He pulls back. “And not only that.”

Alec pulls his mobile out of his pocket and fiddles with it until it plays a song, “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison.

Ellie’s jaw drops. “The _beach_.”

“Our first _real_ date.”

He puts the mobile down near by and pulls her against him once more, slowly swaying them from side to side. She looks around, and a few parents are looking now, but smiling. She slinks her arms around his neck.

“You’re dancing with me in a hospital,” she says, tickled.

“And they say babies kill all the romance.” He kisses her again, this time harder and longer, causing her to moan softly. “Mm, missed _that_ sound.”

She smiles against his lips. “Missed your tongue in my mouth.”

Alec laughs, dropping his forehead to her shoulder. “Love you.”

“Love me enough to give me a baby and bring me a KitKat.”

“Bet your arse.” He begins kissing her neck again as they dance. “You’re sleepin’ at home tonight, by the way.”

She pulls back slightly, alarm plain on her face. “Can’t do _that_.”

“Ellie.” He stops the dance, but holds onto her waist. “We can’t keep doin’ this, love. What we’ve got goin’ now can’t sustain itself. It’s not good for you, me, _or_ the kids. You’ve got to come home at night.”

Ellie shakes her head. “We can’t leave her alone.”

“She won’t be alone,” he says. “I’ve got it all figured out. Made a schedule and all. Your dad, Lucy, Beth, Maggie. They’ll all take turns stayin’ overnight with Aila.”

Ellie is astonished. “No.”

He nods firmly. “Yes. It’s all done. Lucy’s on her way here now. She’ll stay with Aila ‘til mornin’.”

“I’ll need to pump before we go then.”

“By all means.”

She looks at him for a moment, then drops her head to his chest and holds him tightly. “Thank you.”

He kisses her hair. “Whatever happens these next weeks, we go bed _together_. Barring true emergency, you and I come together in our own bed every single night. That’s the only rule. All right?”

Ellie looks at him a bit uncertainly, then nods. “All right.”

Alec holds Aila while Ellie pumps enough breast milk to last into the morning. When Lucy arrives, she is given an all-too-thorough run down on all things Aila, despite the fact that most of what she has to do is sit there. Then Ellie holds the baby for as long as she can before Alec finally succeeds in dragging her away.

At home, they have their first family dinner is over a week. The kids seem energized by this, maybe even grateful after all the time apart. Fred is his usual animated self, and even the teenagers are talkative and pleasant. They watch a film together, all five of them, and Tom and Daisy don’t even complain. Then they go off to their respective rooms to do their homework, while Alec and Ellie put Fred to bed together. Fred is purely _delighted._ Once he falls asleep, Alec and Ellie say early goodnights to Tom and Daisy. They are exhausted and though they’ve not discussed it, they are clearly aching to be alone together.

The minute Alec closes their bedroom door, Ellie collapses on the bed with a heavy sigh. Alec slips off his shoes as he walks over to her, then takes off her shoes, tossing them toward her closet. Then he lies down next to her.

“Never loved a bed so much,” Ellie says with another sigh.

Alec lies on his side, she on her back. She turns her head to look at him.

“Been awful sleepin’ without you all week.”

She reaches a hand out to touch his face. “For me too.”

He inches closer to her, then leans down and kisses her. Several times, until she reaches for back of his neck and then parts her lips for him. He lets his tongue explore her mouth languidly, aimlessly, feeling truly relaxed for the first time in over a week. When he pulls back to breathe, she smacks her lips together and smiles. He runs his hand over her body, from her chest, over her breasts, down to her stomach. She shivers a little.

He glances back at her face. “All right?”

She nods tightly. “Bit…weird there. Feels like it’s not a part of me.”

He looks to where his hand is, over her belly button, the extra flesh that used to house a baby.

“Does it…not feel good when I touch you here?” He asks, concerned.

“Dunno,” she says honestly. She knows what he wants. Knows he’s not trying to have sex with her. It’ll be another good month or so before that can safely and comfortably happen. He needs to touch her to connect with her. Needs to feel her.

He nods and brings his hand back up to her cheek. “Tell me if you need to stop.” He moves to kiss her collarbone, lightly dragging his lips along it. His hands slides down again, over her chest to her breast. He caresses it with a smooth circular motion, and then a wet spot appears on her jumper. He lifts his head and sees one has appeared at the other breast as well.

Ellie props herself up on her elbows. “…I’m leaking, aren’t I?”

He just looks back at her with a smirk.

“Right. Give me a few minutes?”

He turns and lies on his back, giving her the space to get up.

“Sexy, right?” She pulls a face at him and darts out of the room.

While she’s gone, Alec changes into his pyjamas and brushes his teeth. Then he goes to lie down on his side of the bed, atop the covers. He thinks about how different things are now, and how much more different they’re going to be soon. It’s an odd thing, to have had a baby but to be at home _without_ said baby. But for the changes in her body, he might forget when they’re at home.

Ellie returns to the bedroom, milk expressed, and with a sheepish expression announces she’s going to hop into the shower. She leaves the loo door open, and after she turns on the water, he can just about see her standing in front of the mirror, examining her own body. He feels a massive wave of love for her, and sympathy. That she should have to struggle at the sight of herself, that she should feel like parts of her are not her at all.

About ten minutes later, she emerges in her robe, towel-drying her hair.

“Feel better?” He asks.

“Better enough,” she replies, going to her bureau to retrieve some pyjamas. She hasn’t slept in proper pyjamas in ages.

He watches her change, but when she notices him, she turns her back to him until she’s finished. As she walks to the bed, he says, “Ellie.”

“Hm.” She crawls underneath the covers, though he is still on top of them.

He turns to her. “You’ve just given birth to a _child_. Nothin’ about your body isn’t beautiful to me.”

She smiles a bit sadly, then slides down and lies her head on her pillow. “Thank you for saying that, I know you mean it, I just feel a little uncomfortable in my own skin right now. It’s not…rational, really.”

It’s among the worst thing he could possibly hear. Her skin is like sustenance to him, it’s necessary to his existence, he feels like he is less when he cannot touch her.

“Okay,” is all he knows how to say, and he lays a hand on her chest. She’s always liked that. A firm hand to regulate her heartbeat, to modulate the rise and fall. “…Okay?”

She nods and turns toward him, into his hand.

“I, uh.” He clears he’s throat, feeling guilty about what he’s about to say before he says. “I’m…feelin’ a lot of things about you right now. For you. Bit…overwhelmed, to be honest.” She’s just given birth to his _child_ and all the love he has for her, the massive, expansive love he has always had for her, is just _bursting_ , flowing out of him and he doesn’t know what to do with it all. A week of sleeping without her has only exacerbated that. “And I need to…” He’s not sure how he can possibly make himself clear.

But he doesn’t need to. She knows.

She reaches out and brings her hand to his jaw. “You can touch me. Just maybe not…everywhere. For now.”

He’d give his _life_ to be able to make love to her right now but he can’t. It’s an ache that lives inside him.

Ellie senses his hesitation, knows the anxiety of not knowing where to touch her that’s going through his mind. She unfastens the first few buttons of her pyjama top for him, then slides his hand down onto her skin, offering him permission.

He kisses her cheek, then the side of her mouth as his hand drifts lower, to cover her breast. It’s a new sensation to him, a new feel, a different weight. Her breasts that now have a more functional purpose outside of arousing him. And yet they’re even more attractive to him than ever before. He kisses her neck as he plays with it gently.

Ellie closes her eyes, breathing steadily, slowly beginning to feel something.

“Mm?” He grunts into the crook of her neck.

“Hm,” she murmurs back.

His lips travel to her shoulder, planting open-mouthed kisses on the skin there, as his hand moves over to the other breast.

“Your body is amazin’,” he whispers.

He brings a leg in between hers, her feet warming his. His lips move downward and he readjust himself, pushing the sides of her pyjamas top all the way down. He kisses the top of one breast as he kneads the other.

“I love you so much.”

“Mmm,” she sighs, tingling, feeling parts of her body come back to her. “Yes, good.”

He raises his head. “S’okay?”

It’s been over a week since his lips touched her skin this way. Over a week since they’ve been this intimate. The longest it’s ever been. They both know it cannot go too much farther, but the satisfaction they receive from simply touching each other and being touched like this is worth so much to them. She feels like her body is waking up, little bit by little bit.

“Yeah.”

Alec bows his head against and sucks on the side of her breast, gently at first. God, she feels so good, and how he’s missed these, now even bigger and fleshier than before. He knows it’s not for him. But it’s so beautiful.

He moves to her nipple, then stops. Without raising his head, he asks, “Can I…”

She opens her eyes and looks down at him. “Have you ever…”

He shakes his head. “Tess didn’t breastfeed.”

She nods. “Not much in there since I just – “ She starts, then simply leaves it at, “Should be all right.”

He kisses around it first, and it’s a bit sensitive for her, but it feels phenomenal after a week of the breast pump. She’d far prefer his lips.

“Kay?” He murmurs.

She’s touched by the way he keeps checking in. All the things he does normally, they may feel different to her now, and he knows it. There’s something so strange about him _asking_ to suck on her breast, something he’s done most nights for the last year, and yet so incredibly sweet all the same. She runs an encouraging hand through his hair, arching her back just a little.

Alec’s mouth closes around her nipple and he groans involuntarily, rubbing himself against the mattress. He feels fully connected to her now, and connected to the changes that are afoot within her. She’s been a mother as long as he’s known her and long before that, but now it feels like something he is a _part_ of. _Their_ child, her body soothes and nourishes their child, and so, in a way, him as well.

He can taste the milk on her, though little comes out. Which is a relief, truthfully, for the first time post-birth. Maybe later on he’d like to dabble in more, but for now all he needs is to be a part of her.

She seems to be enjoying it as well, though he’d worried she wouldn’t. He can’t imagine what it must feel like to constantly have pressure being put on such a sensitive part of your body, eventually wringing all the pleasure out of it. He hopes not. He doesn’t know what he’d do if she stopped deriving pleasure from this altogether.

Knowing that this is about as far as they can take it, it’s fascinating to both of them the way they have adjusted their expectations. They both feel as if they’re approaching a climactic moment (not physically, of course), fully devoting themselves to this moment, not as foreplay, but as the main event. Alec lifts his head briefly to see that her eyes are closed, cheeks flushed, a lazy smile on her face, and then he moves to her other breast. He licks and teases with his teeth first, trying to help her get as much enjoyment out of this as possible. She gasps a little, and it’s a sound he’s missed so much. It turns him on unbearably. He sucks on her nipple until she starts to writhe, and grinds his erection into the mattress.

After a few minutes, she stops him, fingers in his hair. He looks up and she’s smiling, though it’s clear that she’s done. She’s had all she can take. He smiles back, somehow content with this, and moves to lie beside her. There’s something oddly post-coital about it, though neither of them has come, a grateful contentment to the moment. He presses a kiss to her collarbone and then to her lips. She snuggles a little closer, running her fingers up and down his arm.

“Still our anniversary?” She asks.

“…It’s only half eight, so yes.”

“God, are we that old?” Ellie grimaces, turning her head into the pillow.

“To be fair, we did just have a baby.” The back of his hand trails back and forth across her collarbone lightly.

She sighs, smiling. “One year.”

“One whole year,” he concurs. “And already a ring, a house, a baby.”

“Making up for lost time,” Ellie reasons.

“All right, we’ll go with that.”

She searches his face for a moment, painted with adoration and admiration alike, before she says, “Will admit I worried you’d shut down fairly early on. That it might get a bit much for you and you’d…”

His expression changes to one of slight betrayal. “You thought I’d leave?”

“Not _thought_. Just…wondered if maybe,” she replies. “If things got too intimate for you. Turns out…you love it.”

“Love what.” He’s a bit grumpy now.

“The intimacy.”

The softness in her voice when she says the word melts him. He touches her chin and kisses her. Her hand drifts down to his leg.

“What’re we gonna do about this?” She asks, his erection pressing against her. “You want a handjob or you want to have a wank in the shower?”

Alec laughs, glancing down. “I’ll pop in the shower.” He kisses her again. “You rest.” He kisses her one more time. “Oh we are gonna get so much sleep tonight.”

“Ooh.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “That’s hot.”

He grins then gets up and heads to the loo. When he returns, both clean and sated, Ellie is fast asleep under the covers, with Fred attached to her like a barnacle. Alec changes into his pyjamas, then climbs into bed beside them, under the covers. With Fred at the edge of Ellie’s side, Ellie is in the middle, and Alec completes the sandwich, cozying up to them.

Finally, he gets to fall asleep beside her, and drifts off easily knowing he’ll get to wake up beside her as well. They may not have a lot of sleep in their immediate future, but they’ll sleep well tonight.

*


End file.
